It’s Not About You: Why Most Things Aren’t Personal 

Have you ever had a friend walk past you in college without saying hi, and you spent the rest of the day wondering if they’re mad at you? Or maybe you texted someone and they didn’t reply, and your mind started building stories about how they don’t value you anymore. 

We’ve all been there. The problem isn’t what happened,  it’s the story we tell ourselves about it. 

The Stoic philosopher Seneca once wrote that most of our suffering doesn’t come from events, but from the meanings we attach to them. When we take things personally, we assume other people’s actions are about us. But most of the time, they’re not. 

Most of the time, people’s behavior works more like the weather than like a personal message. Rain doesn’t fall to ruin your picnic, and traffic doesn’t jam because it wants to make you late. In the same way, when someone seems distant or irritable, it’s usually because of what’s happening in their own life stress, deadlines, tiredness and not because of who you are. Their mood is about their storm, not your worth. 

When we confuse “weather” for “warfare,” we waste energy defending ourselves against problems that don’t exist. Worse, we lose accuracy. Instead of addressing what’s really going on, we end up fighting imaginary battles. 

Epictetus, another Stoic thinker, said it best: people aren’t usually acting against you, they’re acting for themselves. They’re trying to get through their own day, manage their own pressures, and chase their own goals. You’re often just part of the background, not the center of their story. 

And honestly, that’s freeing. Once you realize most things aren’t about you, you can: 

• Stop overthinking every small interaction. 

• Save your energy for what you control and that is your own response. 

• Focus on living by your own values, not someone else’s moods. 

Of course, this doesn’t mean ignoring deliberate disrespect or abuse. Boundaries matter. But most of the small slights we stew over — the late replies, the distracted looks, the missed invitations — aren’t personal. 

So next time your brain says, “What did I do wrong?” flip the question: “What might they be going through that I can’t see?” 

That shift turns hurt into curiosity, pride into perspective, and tension into peace. 

Takeaways You Can Use Today 

1. Pause before reacting. When someone’s behavior stings, ask yourself: “Could this be about them, not me?” 
2. Use the weather test. Just like rain isn’t personal, most moods and reactions aren’t either. 
3. Journaling prompt. Tonight, write down one moment where you took something personally  then reframe it as “their weather, not my worth.” 
4. Anchor in self-worth. Repeat to yourself: “Their mood doesn’t decide my value. I do.”